Cooper Clan
by StoneColdJaneAusten
Summary: As if rebuilding the planet isn't hard enough, let's add in wild animals, jilted lovers, and a drunk jackass. Fucking perfect! AU, Sheldon/Penny/Bernadette Inspired by Risknight. More info inside. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Hello to all you out there in fanfiction land. I have finally drank the kool-aid.

This is my first story so please be gentle. Lol, jk.

You can go as hard as you'd like, go full anal thrasher hard, if you want to. Just mind your manners! n

This story was inspired by the incredibly lovely Risknight, more specifically chapter 12 of A Whole Lot of Woo. It's taken me a while to put this together out of sheer nerves but I hope she likes—and all of you, too, of course. If you do not know who Risknight is and/or have not read A While Lot of Woo, _ **leave**_. You are not welcomed here.

No, but seriously. You should check her out she's amazing. I'm not sure on the length but it will be multi-chaptered.

 **XTBBTX**

Sheldon was sure the universe was trying to spite him this very moment, how else would you explain him reminiscing about his old friends to them sitting at his dining room table. The tension was so thick he felt the need to undo the first two buttons on his shirt just so he could receive sufficient air to his lunges. The only sound in the room was the scraping of forks, which was short-lived by Leslie Winkle opening her hideous mouth.

"It seems dumbass is not so adverse to female attraction after all." She said while eyeing to two blondes who sat on either side of him.

"Would you mind turning the attitude down a notch?" Bernadette's squeaky voice picked up from Sheldon's left. "We opened up our home to you. The proper thing to do is be respectful. If you can't do that then I suggest you find someone else to take you in." She stabbed a hot dog violently with a fork before pointed it in Winkle's direction. "I heard the men talking about a bear being on the loose. I'd choose wisely. "

Leslie looked down at her food and said nothing. That was perhaps the first time Sheldon had ever seen her look embarrassed.

Penny set up straighter in her chair knowing that a pissed of Bernadette was not a good thing. "After dinner I'll show you guys to your room. The bedrooms have two sets of bunk beds in each. We sometimes house other people if the shelters are full. Sheldon put them together so—"

Amy quickly rose up, her chair scraping and falling back onto the floor. "Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room? Sheldon, you're supposed to be with me and Penny is supposed to be with Leonard." She turned to Bernadette and pointed accusingly in her direction. "I don't know why _you're_ here. How can you be in a relationship with both of them? You _kissed_ them. I couldn't even get you to hold my hand without you looking at it like a parasitic infection. And, Penny, how could you? I thought you were my best friend. Did you lie in wait for my departure so you could stick your perfectly manicured claws in my man? I thought you cared about me."

Penny took a deep breath, not wanting to argue but she wouldn't apologize or make excuses to appease her. She was sorry that she was hurting but should not apologize for falling in love with Sheldon or Bernadette. "Look, Amy, I know you're upset but we aren't going to gain anything by arguing. We should all just eat. Traveling is not the best right now so I'm sure you guys are tired and want to—"

"So what," Leonard started, "are we just suppose to pretend like none of this is happening? I love you Penny."

That's the second time she's been interrupted today and her patience was running thin.

"Will you both just shut the **fuck** up?" For a brief moment of panic Penny thought she had said her thoughts aloud only to realize that it was Raj. The first time her shy, adorable friend was able to talk in the presence of women and it wasn't on good terms.

"Leonard, if you loved Penny you would have asked her to come with her when you went to New Jersey. You just packed your bags and left. Amy if you care about Sheldon the way you say you do you would have broken things off with your Saudi Arabian fiancé instead of keeping up that farce of a relationship. When the world started to crumble, you ran to him and his money. Hell, we _all_ left. So who are _any_ of us to say _anything_ about the way they are living. They're alive and they look happy. As their friends, shouldn't that be all we care about?"

The silence was unbearable as everyone continued to eat. While no one voiced any more opinions, the anger and tension in the room was unmistakable with Leonard never taking his angry glare off of Sheldon and Amy pointedly looking at Bernadette and Penny. For the most part Leslie and Howard said nothing, not even one joke and Penny was glad for it. After dinner Penny showed them to their rooms, the girls taking one and the guys to other. The house didn't have central air but the high powered fans did well to cool the rooms off in the summer heat.

She made her way back to the kitchen to find Bernadette muttering, elbows deep in suds.

"Hey you," she called while slinking up behind her and wrapping her arms around her middle. Bernadette sighed before melting against her.

"Am I a horrible person because I wish they weren't here? I'm glad that nothing happened to them but I wish they hadn't come _here_. "

"I don't think so. It's been just the three of us for a long time now."

"I hope Leslie gets eaten by a bear."

Penny laughed while peppering kisses down her neck.

"You're not usually so violent."

They both turned to find Sheldon leaned casually against the fridge, a small smile on his face.

Bernadette frowned. "That's because I've never heard someone treat you so horribly. They've treat you with so much respect here and it pissed me off to hear her say that in our home. She doesn't have to stay here, by the way, if you don't want her to. Say the word and I'll have her out on her ass in a heartbeat. I'm sure that bear is _starving_. Poor thing!"

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "I don't think killing her is the answer."

"Not killing her," Penny interjected. "We can't control what the animals do."

Sheldon slinked off the wall before wrapping his long arms around both of them. "Please don't encourage her. We can't murder Leslie."

"Accident," Penny interjected again, her shoulder's shaking with mirth.

"Murder," he challenged.

"Unfortunate mauling?" Bernadette offered.

The three of them dissolved into laughter, trying desperately not to be too loud. They worked as a team to finish up the dishes and tidy up the living room before tiredly going to their room. They had housed people before. As the head physicist for the government division stationed in their community, Sheldon was one of the first to receive a house. He and his girls did a lot for the community and they set them up in a rather large home as close to the base as they could get. There were a number of shelters housing people until houses could be cleared and marked inhabitable and families were moved in. Even after a year there were still over a thousand families in the surrounding communities still in need of a home. When the shelters were full and there were an influx of people, some of the families already in homes would take in others until space was provided. With limited hands, the soldiers worked as fast as they could. They didn't often like their privacy to be invaded but with their bedroom being on the main floor and the bedrooms upstairs on the other end, it offered a little bit of privacy. There was a master bath in their room as well as a large bathroom up stairs and a half bath off the den they used as an office.

When they made it to the room Penny flopped down tiredly on the bed with her eyes closed. A small part of her was feeling like Bernie. She hated that their space was being invaded. Before it was grateful families with nowhere to go but now it was old friends with grudges and anger in their hearts.

"Hey, you okay?" Bernadette asked, concerned.

"I'm fine."

Penny opened her eyes just as she straddled her thighs. Penny raised up and smoothed the frown from her forehead and Sheldon took the opportunity to sit behind her, Penny's back resting against his chest. "You're lying, Penny, you know we can always tell when you do. What's wrong?"

Penny sighed happily. She really didn't know what she'd do without them. She loved them both so much. "It's nothing really. I just wasn't expecting the day to end like this. I wanted us to have a quiet evening alone together. Not," she waved her hand around vacantly in the air, "this. It's going to be a long couple of weeks, isn't it?"

"I think that goes without being said." Sheldon murmured. She could feel his chest rumble against her back and Bernadette's hands were pleasantly rubbing up and down her sides underneath her tank top. The combination was making her body tried and her already muddled mind even cloudier.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?"

"Well, I'll probably have to take Amy with me to the lap. I'll talk to Heisenberg about finding her a job. Amy is a really good neurobiologist. And Sheldon, honey, you should take the others. It's a little unfair, especially if people have been waiting to get placed for a while but the workers do get faster housing placement. Penny, there's some more aid coming in from the Midwest, isn't there? "

"Yeah, they come next week."

"Good, then finding and clearing housing will go much easier and a lot faster with more hands. What do you think Sheldon; how long will they be here."

"Assuming things go as you have determined, I'd say less than two months."

"See, sweetie, that's not so bad. We can handle two months. We've done longer."

"Yeah but that was people who we didn't know who respected our space and privacy, not friends who are going to be all up in our business and are more or less going to be a nightmare to live with."

"Cohabitation with Leonard was always a stressful ordeal."

"We can do this Penny. Besides, we'll be working most of the time and so will they."

"That's if they get the job. Sheldon sweetie do you think you can work your magic and get them hired. I know they'll hire Amy on the spot. More people to examine the alien bodies the better but I'm not so sure about the others."

"It shouldn't pose a problem."

"Then it's settled." Bernadette headed to their master bath to fill the large tub with water. "Let's take a bath and go to bed. It's been a long day and I don't know about you but I'm exhausted."

They all got undressed and headed for the bath, forever thankful that the large size comfortably accommodated them. Soon after bathing and getting dressed they fell into the bed in a heap. Sheldon propped himself up on an elbow to watch his girls for a few moments. He remembered the fear he saw in their eyes as he walked in the door. He knew it was fear of rejection more than anything. But he couldn't leave them, never. They were his life now. He ran his fingers through their hair before drawing them closer and falling into a peaceful sleep.

 **XTTBTX**

Um, yeah, that's that. See you later?


	2. Chapter 2

Hello all! I'm so, so, _so_ sorry that I haven't updating in so long. I work on the chapters as I complete them so unfortunately I had nothing on standby and it's been a flurry of excitement over here. My sister got engaged and I'm only a couple of months away from graduating so we've just been very busy lately but I haven't forgotten about this story. Don't lose faith on me guys. Here's the next chapter! Please re-read the first one if necessary.

 **XTBBTX**

Penny was never really an early riser. Her body was so accustomed to waking at the same time she would always beat the alarm clock. That 11 o'clock rule was a long standing tradition for her but since the world went into ruin; early mornings were her favorite time of day. Everything was so quiet and peaceful. Just then she heard the water pipes shake indicating someone was up and in the bathroom.

"Just great," she grumbled untangling herself from Sheldon and Bernadette.

"Penny," Sheldon's half asleep voice called beside her.

"Go back to bed. I'm going to get breakfast started."

She threw on some shorts and headed to the kitchen. The downstairs floor plan was very spacious but open so as she entered the kitchen she could see Raj sitting on the couch flipping through an old book.

"Good morning." He jumped slightly at her voice.

"Good morning, Penny." His smile was sincere and it really comforted her to know that at least one of her friends was happy to be here.

"I'm about to start making breakfast. I know you have your diet restrictions but I hope you don't mind eating what we have."

"Actually I haven't given it much thought since everything has happened. I haven't had a home cooked meal in months. If you put a plate of dog food in front of me I'll eat it."

"I can do a little better than dog food but how about we start with coffee."

"That sounds great. Do you need any help?"

"That actually would be really helpful since I'm cooking for a lot more people. I usually do the cooking by myself when it's just the three of us."

He took over the coffee pot while she started to take out bread and eggs.

"Is that by choice?"

"Cooking alone? Usually it is in the mornings. Sheldon and Bernadette will have to be up and out of here soon. I always leave after them so I take on cooking duties but sometimes one of them is home to help in the evenings."

He turned around to grab some mugs out of the cabinet and gasped. "Where did you find eggs in this agricultural wasteland?"

Penny gave a real belly laugh forgetting that the others were still asleep. "I said the same thing when I first saw eggs. We have a couple of green houses and farms set up in our district. It took almost a year to get things organized. We have milk, eggs, cheese, and butter. There's a nice woman named Betty who has a sizable bee farm and she gives out a jar of honey to every family after each harvest. We don't consume that much meat however."

She had turned to find him staring at her with a small smile. "What?"

"Nothing, you're just different."

"Me?" She bumped his shoulder in a teasing manner. "What about you? This is the first time you've ever been able to have a conversation with me without being plastered."

"Yeah, a lot of things have changed, I guess." He sounded so somber Penny wanted to know what had happened to spark this change but she wasn't going to push him into anything. Instead they worked in a comfortable silence.

The smell of cooking food eventually bought the others down the stairs. Penny felt lips at the back of her neck and hands sneak across her middle and up to snatch a biscuit from the plate in her hands.

"Hey!"

"You know I'm only with you because you're such a great cook." A smack to the ass had her barely keeping the plate steady and she turned just in time to see a panty clad blonde round the corner.

"Good morning to you, too!"

The others had found a place at the table and were quiet as they reached for the food and Penny sighed mentally, grateful for the lack of chatter. Sheldon was the last to come down, fully dressed as always. He may have changed a lot but he would always be strict about being on time.

"Good morning sweetie."

"Good morning Penny."

He took the plate off her hands and she reached up to kiss him. They both ignored whoever made the unsettling noise in the back of their throat—most likely Leonard.

"I'm going to go get dressed. There's a fresh pot of coffee anyone wants some."

Penny could hear Sheldon explain to them their plans for getting them a job as she left the room. She marveled at the way he was so unbothered by them, as if their presence meant nothing—as if they were another homeless family they were housing. Everyone considered her the strong one, but both he and Bernadette had a certain strength she yearned for.

Speaking of the blonde beauty, Penny found her rifling through documents on the bed and still pleasantly underdressed. She jumped on the bed and attached her sides. Her shrieking laughter flowed through the entire house. She cried uncle after only a moment, never being able to last long against the assault. Penny always thought Bernadette was prettiest when she was laughing. Her light blue eyes were alight with happiness; her cheeks flushed a rosy hue, and her glasses askew on her face. She was adorable.

"Hello." Bernadette said breathlessly, her chest heaved with the effort to get her breathing under control.

"Yes, hello, that is a proper greeting; although, I have no problem with you groping me."

"I couldn't help it. Your butt looks so good in those shorts." She gave a coy smile and Penny nipped at her lips.

"What are you doing? You're going to be late."

"I'm just going over some paperwork."

"Come on, you can help me get undressed."

Penny rocked back onto her knees and reached out a hand to help Bernadette up, only for her to get pulled back down. Bernadette opened her legs so Penny could better settle against her. They locked lips in a heated kiss until a clearing throat broke them apart.

They turned to see Sheldon standing in the doorway with a stern expression on his face. "We're going to be late if you two don't stop lollygagging around."

The girls shared a teasing look before reaching up and grabbing an arm and pulling him down on top of them. His yelp of surprise was drowned out by their giggles which turned to soft moans, groans and murmurings about 'devil women' and 'timeliness'.

 **XTBBTX**

They emerged from their room unapologetically late and with a slightly disheveled Sheldon. Despite how casual they tried to be, Sheldon's mussed hair, swollen lips, and the girls raunchy smiles did nothing to hide what was really going on, but one steely look from Penny silenced Leonard and Amy who took to brooding quietly to themselves.

Leslie took in Penny's attire and was about to comment when there was a knock at the door. Sheldon went to answer the door and stepped aside to let the man in.

"Thank you Dr. Cooper."

"General," Sheldon said in acknowledgement.

"Major Nelson." His voice was steady and strong and full of command. Penny saluted him in return, more out of respect than habit. She knew him personally and what he has done to keep the people safe.

"General Phillips."

"Adese Major. I do believe I've expressed how unnecessary that is inside your own home."

"You'll be singing that tune for the longest General. Can I indulge you with a cup of coffee?"

"Please," he smiled, "I'll take one of those biscuits, too, if you don't mind." He took his hat off and sat it on the counter before ushering another solider forward who stood quietly behind him and off to the side.

"Penny, this is Corporal Collins. He'll be working with you on your next assignment."

He was ramrod straight in his salute and Penny was sure he was going to explode right out of his skin.

"Collins, you're apart of Smith's division, aren't you?"

"Ma'am yes ma'am."

She handed Phillips is coffee another down for the otherwise unaware Corporal.

"That was some pretty good sniper work you did in Utah. You saved 11 hostages. That's impressive. John's trained you?"

"Ma'am yes ma'am. It was my goal to chase your perfect score. "

"Adese Corporal. You can kiss up to me later. Here, have some coffee and food."

"I couldn't impose ma'am."

"Nonsense, we're a family here. Besides, that warm food is going to sit on your stomach much better than one of those MRE meals. Eat up. We've got a long day ahead of us."

Collins humbly grabbed his plate and coffee and stood off to the side, watchful as ever. He held a bit of reverence in his eyes whenever he looked toward the General and Penny, something that use to bother Sheldon and Bernadette but they quickly got used to how greatly they looked up to her.

"General, I take this isn't just a friendly visit, although you could stand a few more of those now and again."

"I do suppose I am overdue but this isn't a friendly visit. We've got a problem in Colorado. A large sinkhole in downtown Boulder and it's been a delicate process trying to clear the damage and make sure no one is trapped inside."

He hand over a file filled with pictures and information. Penny's face grew grim at the number of deaths.

"Is it natural or manmade?"

"There's the thing. Colorado isn't known for having sinkholes. The entire state does have mountains but they are not volcanic so we ruled out gas trapped under the earth which caused the sinkhole. We've got our best forensic scientist on their way there to survey the area. Once we've got a definite answer I'm going to brief with you and Lieutenant Hopkins on our next move."

"Yes, sir, I'll keep this in mind."

Phillips turned to address the others in the room. "I am getting old him my age but I remember faces quite well. I don't believe I've had the pleasure of meeting any of you."

Sheldon stepped forward. "General Phillips, this is Leonard Hofstadter, Rajesh Koothrappali, Howard Wolowitz, Leslie Winkle, and Any Farrah Fowler. They are all old friends of ours and respective in their own fields. They will be taking rank with his in our efforts to continue humanity's security and safety."

They each raised a hand at the mention of their name. Howard and Leslie were surprised to hear what he said, knowing how Sheldon general is toward them.

"It is wonderful to see that you are all safe and sound. Not many people had the luxury of being reunited. Cherish this, yes? And anyone that Dr. Cooper speaks highly of is okay in my books. You and Dr. Rostenkowski will keep me updating on your progress, wont' you?"

"Of course General." They both answered to which he patted them both on the shoulder.

"Well, we're off." He stopped to salute Penny, which she returned. "I hope I will be able to make a friendly visit with the wife soon enough. And hopefully your cooking will make an appearance." He gave an affectionate smile and winked and Penny made a mental note to tell his wife that he was joking about her cooking again.

The room was left in heavy silence after the departure of General Phillips and Corporal Collins. Penny shrugged on her standard army camouflage jacket, slipped her dog tags on, and laced up her boots before anyone said a word.

"You're a Major in the army, Penny?" Howard asked, impressed and kind of afraid. He always knew Penny was tough but army level tough made him really consider her threats of hog tying and castrating him.

"Yeah, turns out I'm really good and protecting others. It works out great for us but I hate to have them worry so much. We can talk about this later though. We should get going before the streets get busy." Sheldon ushered the group out with Penny bringing up the rear. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

 **XTTBTX**

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I will be updating soon. For those of you waiting for the deliciousness that makes this story 'M' rated, stay tuned. It's coming. Please keep in mind that outwardly I am a virgin, catholic school girl but I have the mind of a platinum status porn star. Hopefully those clashing traits won't prevent the smut filled ride you're looking for, as was alluded at in Risknight's lovely verse this story is based upon. FYI, the first chapter was exactly 1998 words in length and I thought that was pretty cool and reminded me that the Lewinsky Scandal also happened in 1998. I was a wee lass.


End file.
